Before The Music Dies

Cornbread

Happy Thanksgiving! Always felt a bit conflicted about this holiday (thanks Ethnic Studies!) but would like to help Miles remember it as a time that we spend with our family and good friends, reflecting on all our blessings--like food! Food is one of the blessings we are truly grateful for.

I haven't baked with Miles in awhile so we decided to do something together. Actually, Miles ended up doing everything except for the slicing and grating of ingredients. He baked jalapeño and cheddar cornbread. From measuring....

To mixing....

To buttering...

Miles kept saying, "This is fun!" Also pretty cool that an indirect math lesson of measuring and understanding fractions takes place when baking together.

So yes, we scored! And I wish you could smell how good Miles' cornbread smells right now....

This must be the 3rd year we've hosted Thanksgiving at our pad. Justin and I are definitely thankful to be able to host it and whip up a meal for the people we love. Of course we will be missing Papo & Bobawts (all in the P.I.) and Gramma & Papa (in Big Island w/ the Cadabes ohana). Hope you guys enjoy your Thanksgiving/ Thankstaking..whichever you prefer!

Peace to the Ohlone tribe, the original owners of the land which we Bay folk now reside on...

Noviembre

Miles has had a busy month, spending time with family and a majority of his week at school. When he's home, he likes to look up Mighty Max toys on eBay, watch old episodes on youtube, build foxholes with his dad, and have family board game time. He's pretty content with staying in doors, since his school days are from 8:15-2:30, by the time he gets home he has 3 hours to play, do homework, have dinner and get ready for bed. After these long days at school, Friday is really party time in this household--for Miles at least!

As soon as class is dismissed, runs to the 'big kid' playground at school. His way of unwinding from a day of hard work at school.

When he gets home from school, he does his homework--which mostly consists of reading and drawing pictures.

This week, he had time to fit in a haircut with his barber, Uncle Eric!

This month, he was excited to spend a Friday night, partying til late night with his Uncle Rube! Before we met up for dinner, Miles was thinking up ideas of things he can do with his Uncle that would be fun--like bowling. But when it came down to it, he was content with just hanging out at his apartment.

Miles also hung out with his cousin Jenna and Nina for Nina's 5th birthday.

Last Friday night, we had a sleepover with cousins since Lucy, Ben, & Stella were up from L.A. visiting. It was nice to have our pad filled with family! They mostly played board games, including Lucy's Barbie one that was all about shopping. Miles & Darrien enjoyed it!

Before they left for L.A., we visited Aunty Teresa & Uncle Tom (haha!) + fam at their swanky mid-mod home away from home in SF. I can't say this enough--but it would be so nice to live close to them. Maybe the universe can give way and allow for this to happen?! Miles loves playing with his cousins, especially Ben who is pretty witty at age 2. 

Aunty Cheryl & Uncle Bob been having dates with Miles & Darrien as part of their 'no-parents-club.' Last week, Uncle Bob took the boys rock climbing once again. The boys get excited to hang out with them. They are like bugs attracted to Bob--the light--whenever he is around. Actually, I think they are pretty much like that with most uncles and older male cousins. 

Thanksgiving is already coming up and before you know it Christmas will be here. I honestly don't know where 2011 went!? We are looking forward to having Gramma & Papa here for the holidays! And especially looking forward to having them be apart of our daily life here since they are moving to the Bay! Give thanks!

5 Gifts of Being Highly Sensitive By THERESE J. BORCHARD

I serendipitously stumbled upon this article on the web. Miles has always been a sensitive kid. A trait that I could understand, being sensitive to certain things myself (Pisces!). I always thought this quality about Miles was something special, seeing that he was always aware of people, environment, his emotions, and the world around him from his baby days. I also knew it seemed wrong hearing other people comment on his sensitivity like it was a bad thing. But this article validates certain qualities about Miles that are positives and also certain things we struggle with. Miles has always been pretty creative (but what kid isn't?!) and empathetic with others. He has always had impulse control since he was a toddler, being very cautious and calculating almost. He has always delved deeply into whatever it is he feels emotionally. At first, I thought it typical behavior of a toddler. But as he grows, I see that he is quite aware of what he is feeling--always has been--and articulate about what he is feeling too. I'm just glad he is good at communicating his emotions with us, helps to get it out and let go (and helps us understand him). His perfectionism and sensitivity to other's emotions and over stimulation to environment are probably some of the reasons that lead to his anxiety before going to school each morning. He has his challenging mornings and he has easy ones. We have found it better for Justin to bring him to school. Blowing bubbles in the morning has helped provide distraction and also an indirect way of calming himself down by taking deep breaths to produce the biggest bubbles.


After reading this article, I looked into books about highly sensitive children and read that 20% are born with this temperament and these gifts. Will put these on my reading list:


-The Highly Sensitive Child by Elaine N. Aron
-The Strong Sensitive Boy by Ted Zeff
-Parenting the Sensitive Child by Rob Pluke


Anyway, enjoy the article! Do any of these gifts resonate with you or your child?


**********************************************************************************

An interview with Douglas Eby

Question: If you had to name the top five gifts of being highly sensitive, what would they be?

Douglas:

1. Sensory detail

One of the prominent “virtues” of high sensitivity is the richness of sensory detail that life provides. The subtle shades of texture in clothing, and foods when cooking, the sounds of music or even traffic or people talking, fragrances and colors of nature. All of these may be more intense for highly sensitive people.

Of course, people are not simply “sensitive” or “not sensitive” — like other qualities and traits, it’s a matter of degree.

Years ago, I took a color discrimination test to work as a photographic technician, making color prints. The manager said I’d scored better, with more subtle distinctions between hues in the test charts, than anyone he had evaluated.

That kind of response to color makes visual experience rich and exciting, and can help visual artists and designers be even more excellent.

2. Nuances in meaning

The trait of high sensitivity also includes a strong tendency to be aware of nuances in meaning, and to be more cautious about taking action, and to more carefully consider options and possible outcomes.

3. Emotional awareness

We also tend to be more aware of our inner emotional states, which can make for richer and more profound creative work as writers, musicians, actors or other artists.

A greater response to pain, discomfort, and physical experience can mean sensitive people have the potential, at least, to take better care of their health.

4. Creativity

Psychologist Elaine Aron, author of The Highly Sensitive Person,estimates about twenty percent of people are highly sensitive, and seventy percent of those are introverted, which is a trait that can also encourage creativity.

As examples, there are many actors who say they are shy, and director Kathryn Bigelow, who recently won an Academy Award, has said, “I’m kind of very shy by nature.” The star of her movie The Hurt Locker, Jeremy Renner (who was reportedly shy as a child), has commented that “in social situations she can be painfully shy.”

5. Greater empathy

High sensitivity to other people’s emotions can be a powerful asset for teachers, managers, therapists and others.

Question: And, if you had to name five curses, what would they be? And how best do we overcome them or co-exist with them?

Douglas:

1. Easily overwhelmed, overstimulated

The biggest challenge in high sensitivity is probably being vulnerable to sensory or emotional overwhelm. Taking in and processing so much information from both inner and outer worlds can be “too much” at times and result in more pain, fatigue, stress, anxiety and other reactions.

An intriguing neuroscience research study I came across that may explain some of this said people with nervous systems having decreased latent inhibition are more open to incoming stimuli. Which can be a good thing, or not so good.

Actor Amy Brenneman once commented, “I’m too sensitive to watch most of the reality shows. It’s so painful for me.”

That kind of pain or discomfort can mean we don’t choose to experience some things that might actually be fun or enriching. Though I don’t mean reality shows.

2. Affected by emotions of others

Another aspect of sensitivity can be reacting to the emotions — and perhaps thoughts — of others. Being in the vicinity of angry people, for example, can be more distressing.

As actor Scarlett Johansson once put it, “Sometimes that awareness is good, and sometimes I wish I wasn’t so sensitive.”

3. Need lots of space and time to ourselves

We may need to “retreat” and emotionally “refresh” ourselves at times that are not always best for our goals or personal growth. For example, being at a professional development conference, it may not be the most helpful thing to leave a long presentation or workshop in order to recuperate from the emotional intensity of the crowd.

4. Unhealthy perfectionism

There can also be qualities of thinking or analyzing that lead to unhealthy perfectionism, or stressful responses to objects, people or situations that are “too much” or “wrong” for our sensitivities.

5. Living out of sync with our culture

Living in a culture that devalues sensitivity and introversion as much as the U.S. means there are many pressures to be “normal” — meaning extroverted, sociable and outgoing.

Dr. Ted Zeff, author of The Highly Sensitive Person’s Survival Guide, points out that other cultures, such as Thailand, have different attitudes, with a strong appreciation of sensitive or introverted people.

Jenna Avery, a “life coach for sensitive souls,” counsels people to accept or even pursue being “out of sync” with mainstream society, and be aware of other’s judgments of people as too sensitive, too emotional, or too dramatic.

And if we are sensitive, we may use those kinds of judgments against ourselves, and think, as Winona Ryder said she did at one time, “Maybe I’m too sensitive for this world.”

Certainly, there are extremes of emotions that are considered mood disorders, for example, and should be dealt with as a health challenge.

But “too emotional” or “too sensitive” are usually criticisms based on majority behavior and standards.

Overall, I think being highly sensitive is a trait we can embrace and use to be more creative and aware. But it demands taking care to live strategically, even outside popular values, to avoid overwhelm so we can better nurture our abilities and creative talents.

Original post:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/therese-borchard/5-gifts-of-being-highly-s_b_510020.html

Just Keep Swimming Miles!

So the other day, I mentioned Miles' transfer to the Spanish Immersion school felt like a sink or swim situation. He is trying his best to understand instructions but the reality is that it is very challenging to decode Spanish for 5 or so hours--especially because we don't speak Spanish at home (I need to change this!). This week he started crying before school, saying he didn't want to go.  When I asked him why he doesn't want to go, his answer has been, "I just miss you and daddy. And I'm not use to it yet and I feel scared."

We knew this transition would be challenging. It's hard to see him cry about school, not wanting to go, when he was happy to go to his old school. It makes us think about whether or not transferring him was the right choice or not. Naturally, we feel guilty. These decisions are never easy. Miles was use to being on top of things at his old school. It has been challenging for him to not understand what his teacher is instructing. Knowing that Miles is also very hard on himself when he doesn't "do things right"--being unsure of what he is doing makes him anxious. That makes me anxious just knowing that he is uncomfortable.

After speaking with his teacher, we decided to get Miles a tutor to help him. Hopefully, regular session for a few weeks will get him caught up and make him more comfortable. I am hoping that he doesn't get traumatized and start hating school. Once he gets a better handle on basic Spanish, Miles will feel more confident again in learning.

Things we can do to help him besides getting him connected to a tutor includes volunteering in his classroom more and continue to listen to what he is saying and feeling. Also, as I mentioned before, Justin and I have to learn Spanish too. What other ideas do you folks have?

Honestly, seeing my son anxious, upset, and dreading school makes me want to pull him out and home school! But I know that time will really tell. We have to give Miles some time and extra help to grow comfortable enough to learn in this new environment. I have to suck it up as his parent and not try to shelter him from the world and all the growing pains. We have some work to do ahead of us and one thing I am hoping he will learn from this whole experience is to never give up, just keep swimming.