Inhaling Spirit

This morning, on my last errand at the post office I did a funny thing that reminded me to be more in the present. So, Iʻm talking to the postal worker, asking for some stamps, asking about a missing package, followed by asking for a pen to borrow--heʻs pulling out stamps, holding onto his pen, and while heʻs talking to me--I reached over, and mindlessly grabbed the pen out of his hand and almost start filling out the package that I was sending out. I just grabbed the pen from his hands. It felt as if I got a glimpse of what I had just done, and saw that moment from an out-of-body perspective. He looks at me like "Huh? wtf?" And I realized I did that whole thing mindlessly and impatiently. Listening to what he was saying, on top of "whereʻs my package?", on top of "can I use a pen?", on top of I need to fill this out....Talk about, multi-tasking gone bad. Luckily, he just laughed it off with me (while, internally I was thinking, "wtf is wrong with me? why did I just grab a pen out of this manʻs hands?!) Hahaha..anyway, that was a clear sign for me to stop with all the errands, chores, tasks for the rest of the day and just breathe.

Thinking back to almost 3 years ago, one of the most important things that got me through childbirth was remembering to breathe. Inhaling fully, and being in that moment--followed by fully experiencing the exhale was all I could do to live thru the contractions & labor pains. Breathing is so automatic that many times, I go through the days without truly experiencing that breath. Iʻm sure you can relate. Maybe thatʻs why many smokers rely on cigarettes (or herb)--maybe its because (well--besides the nicotine, thc, etc..) thatʻs the only time they are experiencing that inhale and exhale of whatever it is that they are smoking. Why am I talking about breathing? I totally forgot. Just kidding...

Iʻm talking about breathing cause thatʻs exactly what I am doing, right now, as I am sitting in this Ikea lounger (thanks Bobawts), hitting the keys of this mac. Within the past 2 weeks, I have been inundated with mommy & wifey duties on top of all the studying for the last 4 exams--and within that time, I seriously felt crazy--up until my last errand this morning. I totally forgot to just breathe. Itʻs so simple. I tell Miles to do it all the time to calm him down from a tantrum. I know something is wrong when I feel disconnected, rushed, with my mind racing down a to-do list. Maybe its the holidays + finals week + life in general. Anyway, I am so loving this moment with Miles at preschool, Justin at work, and me--here, at home. I can just chill out. It will be really good for not only me but for my boys when they get home, mamafeelgood will be in a super chill mood.

I spent this first morning of down time, and I mean--at home, nothing to do--(in the past semester of school), burning calories on the eliptical, re-reading my momfullness book, and meditating, and now this--reflecting while listening to some good music. And let me tell you, I feel so good. The endorphine rush from working out + leisure reading (w/o having to memorize s#@%#), + just being, breathing.--Iʻm telling you, I feel like Iʻm on a mini-vacation.

Donʻt forget to breathe...