It is only the second week of school and Miles is already waking up, complaining about not wanting to go. "I'll just stay home by myself mommy. Just make me a lunch." No wayyy, buddy. Just think, I have years to go with this kid--he can be so stubborn (just like his father and I). The morning presents a challenge when he chooses to make it a difficult one, stomping, yelling, and pretending to spit at me. For the most part I am super patient and sometimes I'm secretly amused and would love to laugh at him for his pretend spitting but this morning was not one of my most super patient mornings. I feel guilty when I lose my patience. I don't like being mad and I am totally trying to be an example with my own emotions and show him how to breathe deeply and calmly but this morning I did not take my own advice. I yelled at him.
I know to some of you it may sound so terrible (it is!) and to some it may sound like no harm done--but to me, it is harm done. I wanted to take it all back when I looked at his eyes and he pleaded, "I want you to be patient!" But just like that, the words hit me like someone turned the thermostat from 100 degrees to a chill 65 and I was able to breathe and relax. I guess he was not the only one who had a tantrum! Anyway, I apologized to him & hugged him for a bit and he apologized, "I'm sorry mom," and then it was all good. Having a kid is a funny thing. Sometimes it's like having a mirror follow you around, showing you sides of yourself that you may not necessarily embrace but have to--and in that process, learning about yourself (and having compassion for yourself) as you try to teach them a different way.
**pictures taken by teacher Beth at preschool (thank you!)**
2 comments:
word! boy, does that sound familiar! in fact, i had a very similar morning/day yesterday with p and lost my usual patience with him. but sometimes i think it helps p realize that i'm human too, i get upset, make mistakes and all that...and it makes him realize how he's behaving in that moment that caused me to lose my patience with him (eg. being defiant, saying "I don't want to!" x 100). mileski is lucky to have a reflective, understanding, passionate mama like you!
thanks Keri! mama affirmations! you're right about that one--i need to remember human part :) sometimes i think it would be nice to have a mother's group just to hear what other mom's say about this "experience" and also tips on how other's handle things like this. hope you guys are well!
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